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Monday, 23 March 2015

Motat trip

This year all the year four went to motat and have heeps of fun. first we went on a bus and we had morning tea after morning tea we went with our groups. first we went to see the houses to look for the adic then we saw a church. we sat on some seats then we saw olden day thing like cameras,phones and stuff on the olden day.We saw the phones and we saw how the train works we felt some coal. then we had lunch then we saw some old stuff then we went on the bus all the way to school then we went home


Make a copy of this document.


Look at your blog post. Mark each paragraph against the effective paragraph criteria. Copy and paste this table under your writing in your blog.


Criteria for an Effective Paragraph
Par 1
Par 2
Par 3
Par 4
Par 5
⚈ Start with a topic sentence.
yes



⚈ Have at least 2-3 connected sentences.
yes



⚈ Have sentences that are effective that
  1. have varied beginnings
no



    b.  have juicy vocab e.g action/describing  words
yes



    (c) grammatically correct
yes



  (d) punctuated correctly.
no



(Think of 1 or 2 things that you need to to focus on next time, to make sure your paragraphs are effective.)
Next time I  need to have sentence that are effective



1 comment:

  1. It is great you got your writing published and you have reflected about how well you have tried to make your writing effective. Remember for this writing there should have been at least 3 paragraphs which were about 1 main idea each. You have put everything into 1 paragraph. So perhaps next time you write you should focus on having 1 main idea for each paragraph, with 2-3 sentences that connect. Also I notice you have quite a few sentences that don't start with a capital letter, so perhaps that could be another thing you focus on.

    It is good you have included some of the things you looked at and felt so well done.

    ReplyDelete